Saturday, December 6, 2008

babies from heaven

I just posted this comment on a girls blog that I go to church with.
I have taken out the names so it is a little different, but how it all happened is the same.

Through this tough time of year it is what i cling too.
It is almost too hard to think about daddy never getting to love my babies here, but to imagine that he has known and loved them from the start of their precious, precious lives is a great gift to me.
To think of all the love they miss from him here on earth is almost too much for me to bare.
So the thought of him knowing and loving them first up there, seems only right.
As much as he loved me....he loved them that much too.
It may not REALLY be the way it works, but how great would it be if it did.
This is going to be lengthy but here goes.
This is how my precious Tay explained to me how babies get here from heaven.

I got pregnant with Taylor about 2 months after my daddy and that, I truly believe was the only thing, aside from God of course, that got me through.
It was Gods grace and Him blessing me with Taylor that kept me sane.

So when I got pregnant with Megan 2 years later, we asked Tay what she wanted, a boy baby or a girl baby.

Now keep in mind when she was 2 or 3, she was really about 40. lol.
No really.
I had and elderly lady tell me one time at the beauty shop we were at that she was an old soul trapped in a little girls body. I have always believed that.

So on to my story,
when the questioned was asked her, what kind of baby she wanted, she replied” what ever paw paw mike wants us to have” I said what do you mean, you know paw paw is up in heaven, and she said “I know. He is up there with Jesus right now picking out our baby from the garden”

So at this point I was really interested in what my 2 year old was teaching me about how heaven works.

She then began to tell me how Jesus let the people in heaven who loves you the most go with Him to the BIG garden up there and pick out the little babies to send down here to make us happy.

I sat there crying as I am now, in awe of the sweetness of her idea of how she got here, and of how wonderful the thought of that is.
That even from heaven the people we love so dear, the ones that know us the best, gets to be a part of the most wonderful gift we receive.
Our babies.

I know that it must somehow be true, because the 2 babies I was so blessed to give birth too, are the most perfect fit for me. I could not have done a better job if would have gotten to special order them myself.

So at this time of year maybe the thought of your granny, momma, daddy, grand daddy or who ever you have loved and lost, being up there smiling down on you will bring you peace.

Because that is what brings me comfort.
For I miss my daddy more than most can imagine.

Maybe the thought of them not being able to be here to love your baby on earth, brings us such saddness, but thinking that they did get to love them there, in Heaven is a HUGE gift.

They loved you and them SO much that they picked that perfect baby out, out of all the babies to send to you and to me.

How great is our God!

I am blessed every time I think back to the innocent conversation with Taylor so many years ago.
Doesn't God know EVERYTHING we need right when we need it.
I needed that encouragement then as much as I do now!
God loves me that much!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Some of my favorite photos for photo friday!

I am not sure of the rules for photo Friday, but these are some of my favorites of my baby girls.
Meg: 6mo, 3, 2 and 9
Tay and I in 1997.
She was 1 & 1/2.
(don't ya just gotta love glamour shots!)

Tay : 6mo, 2 ,3 and 12

Taylor has loved Meg from the moment she seen her on the ultrasound video. She use to call her "Baby Tadpole".

She thought Meg was her very own present from Santa that year, 1998.... could she be more proud? I do not think so!

Where do the years go and oh my how they fly by.

That music......

in the stores is ALREADY driving me crazy. Along with alot of other girls, i have been reading alot of blogs where girls have taken the "vow".
The "vow"... that sounds mysterious hu?
The vow i am talking about is the "no bah hum bug vow". That sounds even funnier.
I have promised my self secretly,
{for I do not want to give my family false hope, lol}
that I will not let the materialistic part of Christmas or the stress of the hustle and bustle of it all get me CRAZY!!
But this stinking music in EVERY store you go in is just about to much to bare.
I mean come on, how may ways can you sing JINGLE BELLS, Winter Wonderland, Silent Night, and let us not forget The Little Drummer Boy?
and why do they have to a different beat and different styles of music, for EVERY song and.......i could go on and on but I think you get my point.

With the exception of the Little Drummer Boy, that one has always gotten on my nerves, I love all the other ORIGINAL songs.
Do we REALLY need that many versions of the same songs?
I am all about revamping and making things better, but COME ON!!
Ok,........................I have taken a breath and recited the "vow" in my head, I am back and I am better.
So on to Christmas. Is anyone as sick of hearing Happy Holidays as I am? Like it is a crime to say or write MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I guess they think just because it has Christ in it, for fear of offending someone, we should just drop the Christmas and make it Happy Holidays.
HELLOO, the Holiday is CHRISTMAS!!!
And when I see Merry X-Mas.........oh, don't even.
Well I am offended, they (who ever "they" are) are taking God and Christ out of everything and we just sit idly by and fuss about it. I do anyway. I mean I jump up on top of my soap box and dance around about things that infuriate me, but what do I really do to make it better. A whole lot of nothin'.
Ok, the laundry is calling my name. That is my rant for the day....I hope.
I hope my family does not read this and find out I have made a promise to be sweet and not get stressed till after Christmas, they will try to hold me to it.
So shhh, mums the word!!

It is 1 am....

and here I am on the computer. I need to be in the bed but as you can read.......I am not.
It has been forever since I have written anything on here, and this will come as a shock to anyone who knows me....but I am at a loss for word to type.
I mean it seems like every time I get on here, I begin to talk about sad things and the past.
I am telling y'all, winter does NOT bring out the best in me.
I feel gloomy all the time. I need sun, fun and the pool!
I am thankful for so many things this year.

I am thankful that after 4 LONG years of fighting in court we finally on December 4, 2007 received custody of my 2 wonderful step sons.
It sounds awful to me to say "step" but that is what they are, even though I love them as much as if i had given birth to them, I would never take that title,...Regardless of the situation, they have a mother.......and we will leave it at that.
I know with my girls having a step mother, it would be hard for me to hear them call her mom. I guess I am selfish, but I work hard to earn and keep that special place in their hearts, and to be the only one they call "mommy".
So anyway,
I am thankful the boys are finally home and safe and their dad and I can rest easy at night knowing they are happy, ok and they are where they want to be.
I am thankful for my family and our health this year.
I am grateful to have a mother that even though we may fuss and disagree she is here and in my life daily.
It has not been all that many years ago that we were not even talking to each other.
So PRAISE GOD for reconciliation.
I am grateful for a church and a wonderful pastor, pastor's wife and their children. We have come to love boy #1 very much.
God is good to me and I forget to say it as often as I should.
I am grateful to have a husband that loves me like no bodies business!
He loves me when I don't even like me. Do not get me wrong, he can be a turd.........but he loves me.
It is a great feeling to know that no matter what you can trust the man you are married too. He is a faithful man that reassures me every day how beautiful he thinks I am and how loved I am by him.
Having a few bad relationships makes you appreciate the good ones alot more.
In the hard time I have to remind myself that God tell us in all things give thanks. Even when it is hard and not so fun, thank Him then too. I know i forget to do that sometimes.
When it is hard, i wallow in self pity and the "bigness" of the situation.
I forget to look up and say thank you for the breath in my body.
Thank you for the home I have.
Thank you for the family I have.
Thank you for the food I have to prepare for my children.
In stead of sometimes fussing when it is time to cook , be thankful I have food TO cook my family, and remember all the mothers in the world that would be grateful to be able to cook for their family, but they have nothing to cook for them.
So I am doing it now and pray that I never let a day go by without remembering to do so,

thank you for all you do for me, give me, let me be and let me do.
Thank you for my husband, children and mother.
Thank you for IB Church and the friends we have there.
I pray that every day you draw me closer to you and show me your will and plan for my life.
Thank you father for your love and salvation.

I know I know, for someone at a loss for words.........yea I know!