It is 1 am....

and here I am on the computer. I need to be in the bed but as you can read.......I am not.
It has been forever since I have written anything on here, and this will come as a shock to anyone who knows me....but I am at a loss for word to type.
I mean it seems like every time I get on here, I begin to talk about sad things and the past.
I am telling y'all, winter does NOT bring out the best in me.
I feel gloomy all the time. I need sun, fun and the pool!
I am thankful for so many things this year.

I am thankful that after 4 LONG years of fighting in court we finally on December 4, 2007 received custody of my 2 wonderful step sons.
It sounds awful to me to say "step" but that is what they are, even though I love them as much as if i had given birth to them, I would never take that title,...Regardless of the situation, they have a mother.......and we will leave it at that.
I know with my girls having a step mother, it would be hard for me to hear them call her mom. I guess I am selfish, but I work hard to earn and keep that special place in their hearts, and to be the only one they call "mommy".
So anyway,
I am thankful the boys are finally home and safe and their dad and I can rest easy at night knowing they are happy, ok and they are where they want to be.
I am thankful for my family and our health this year.
I am grateful to have a mother that even though we may fuss and disagree she is here and in my life daily.
It has not been all that many years ago that we were not even talking to each other.
So PRAISE GOD for reconciliation.
I am grateful for a church and a wonderful pastor, pastor's wife and their children. We have come to love boy #1 very much.
God is good to me and I forget to say it as often as I should.
I am grateful to have a husband that loves me like no bodies business!
He loves me when I don't even like me. Do not get me wrong, he can be a turd.........but he loves me.
It is a great feeling to know that no matter what you can trust the man you are married too. He is a faithful man that reassures me every day how beautiful he thinks I am and how loved I am by him.
Having a few bad relationships makes you appreciate the good ones alot more.
In the hard time I have to remind myself that God tell us in all things give thanks. Even when it is hard and not so fun, thank Him then too. I know i forget to do that sometimes.
When it is hard, i wallow in self pity and the "bigness" of the situation.
I forget to look up and say thank you for the breath in my body.
Thank you for the home I have.
Thank you for the family I have.
Thank you for the food I have to prepare for my children.
In stead of sometimes fussing when it is time to cook , be thankful I have food TO cook my family, and remember all the mothers in the world that would be grateful to be able to cook for their family, but they have nothing to cook for them.
So I am doing it now and pray that I never let a day go by without remembering to do so,

God,
thank you for all you do for me, give me, let me be and let me do.
Thank you for my husband, children and mother.
Thank you for IB Church and the friends we have there.
I pray that every day you draw me closer to you and show me your will and plan for my life.
Thank you father for your love and salvation.



I know I know, for someone at a loss for words.........yea I know!