Up late and.........

Well I am sitting here looking at our puppy Brody, and listening to Rik not so quietly sleeping, because HE DOES NOT SNORE, {haha}
and ESPN is blaring in the living room.


I have been reading blogs for about 2 hrs,
Lisa, i promise i was listening last night...lol.
I did read the Bible already so on to my "mindless, alone, not so quiet, non-thinking bliss!! blogging!!! {sigh}

The kids are all at "the other" houses this weekend, so I feel all alone...well except for my hibernating bear on the couch.
I always say I need alone time...but truth is, I am not real comfortable when my babies are not here.

Another truth...I think I'd rather have 30 kids here than have my 4 gone anywhere.


Any way.....
I was reading some scriptures and I came upon some things that I had written and read in front of the congregation of a church that we were youth pastor's.
Once a month we had youth night and it was all about our youth and from time to time Rik would ask me to pray and get something together, well I prayed all the time, but you know what I mean, pray for God to reveal to me what He wanted me to say.


Well anyway, this one certain night it all began with the song by Casting Crowns "Who Am I".
Well, last night in our devotion lead by Sis Lisa, i listened to her talk at our Angles meeting, and she told us about a book she was reading and how in it...{i promise i was taking it all in} , the character{sorry you are going to kill me...but i cannot remember the name} was on a journey and he lost his scroll because he was taking a break and fell asleep on a bench where he lost his scroll..aka Bible. This bench was only meant for a rest, NOT a sleep, well she told us of how when he woke up and started back on his long journey up the steep mountain, he had not realized he had lost his scroll until he had almost reached the top.
He then turned around, retraced his steps until he found it and then began again...the whole time thinking to himself how much farther along he would have been if ONLY he had done what God had instructed him to do in the first place and if he had been more careful and faithful.


Well, it took me back to the message God had given me along time ago. There are times in our lives that we "leave" God somewhere, go on OUR journey alone, find ourselves in a hard spot without Him , have to turn around and retrace our steps and find Him.

NOT where He left us....but where WE left Him, and the whole time thinking to our selves........how much farther in life we would be if we had only listened to God and been more faithful.
God has promised us that He would never leave or forsake us, but have we, have I ever promised Him that?

I have been really searching myself lately and asking myself some tough questions:
1. Have I ever promised God the promises He has promised me?
2. Why am I not as faithful to Him as He is me?

I do not know why God is so good to me, I do not deserve it. I know the Bible tells me that we all fall short of the Glory of God, but geese, sometimes I do not even like me, and through all that God loves me more.

I know that there have been times in my life that I have went out on my own and made choices and the been like
"God, how could you have let this happen"and as sure as I am writing this tonight God has spoke to me and said "Let this happen, you never even asked for My help, YOU let this happen, you chose it".


Not for one second do I think that God is a mean Father.
I just know that in life, we have to get to the bottom sometimes, before we can look up....look up and see God. To realize He has been right there waiting for us to see Him and ask Him for the help to get back up and begin again.

I know in my life, I do not want to ask God about EVERY THING because some stuff seems like a no brainer....but those NO BRAINERS is what has gotten me in the most trouble along the way in my journey. God wants us to call on Him, little or big, He is there and cares about our every need and desire...........
I often think, Who am I that God would love me so much. Good or Bad, no matter what He is always right there with His arms opened wide waiting for me to run to Him. He is my comfort and my rock, just like my earthly daddy was. Ready to love me, see the good in me when I do not even see it in myself. Pick me up when I fall, brush me off and set me back on the path I need to be traveling. God is good!

Ok.....it is WAY past my bed time. it is only showing 10:49 pm, but is is after midnight.....too late for me.
It is obvious.........longest post ever.
Maybe by anyone. ha ha
Anyone who knows me knows I can talk, and well...now we all know I can type too. lol
Therapy......venting.......what ever .....it is good. {sigh}